Life is the Leading Cause of Stress
I’m feeling stressed again. This tends to happen when big changes or events occur in my life. The last time it happened was last year in the first few days of my travels.
I was stressing out about making my trains, getting lost, and what I would do in these countries of which I spoke not a bit of language. I started feeling sick. The stress threw my appetite through a loop, I had a constant dull headache, and I’d say that when I bathed more hair than usual ended up on my fingers. All this transpired rapidly in a just a few days. Luckily, as I proceeded on my schedule I became comfortable that I would be okay.
Now again, nearly a year later and I feel stressed. Though this time it’s different. My head might feel a little…blocky, and maybe my body feels a bit off, but it isn’t manifesting itself so much physically this year. It’s more of a mental price that I’m paying.
As I wrote recently I have successfully gotten a new job. My first in over a year, so therefore it’s a big deal, and while I have the job, it isn’t so concretely established yet that I will fulfill my obligations. Not only that, but I still have quite some time before I actually start work and the anticipation probably isn’t helping. If I could get over my stress on vacation by getting through that first stage and becoming comfortable, then the same might apply here. If I didn’t have to wait so long it wouldn’t be so tormenting.
And this job means a lot to me. All my eggs are in this basket. I have a degree that I haven’t used, and no idea what I’m going to do with my life. This job is supposed to add some kind of a stable future to my life. I’m not thinking negatively, it’s just that I realize how important it is to me. If I don’t succeed I’ll probably be 30 and working at Wal-Mart in a few years. I’m smart and capable, but I can’t find an outlet for myself. Too much “Do what you love” and a crappy economy leaves a young man left high and dry. It’s scary to think that I might end up with not even a plan if this falls through. I will quite literally be lost. I may not have worked for the past near year and a half, but I at least had options to consider.
It also doesn’t help that my personal life at this point is non-existent. My friends are few and far-away so I don’t get much of a chance to be a part of a group. On top of that I haven’t even attempted to get a date in months, not since August last year probably.
This is what has smacked me hard today and caused me to write this post. How I would love an adequate job that allowed me to work and support myself with a nice little house, and to have a family as well. People who I actively care about and share my life with. No major stress beyond the day to day occurrences of home life.
This new job will give me the chance to meet people and make friends no doubt, and the addition of a female counterpart is equally possible. Still I have two months before I start and even then the job is not secure as I could easily be bounced out of the company, both before I arrive or at any time I’m there.
If there was anything I could change about myself, it would be to take life as it comes and deal with it without stressing out. I can deal with it, it’s just that when I know things are coming I start to worry and cause stress.